Twisted Reality
by D-Tos
Summary: A compilation of my Naruto Oneshots, combined for ease of access and to reduce story list clutter.
1. Out of Despair

The first five chapters of this fic are re-postings of my early works, all written several years ago. Their overall quality is fairly low compared to my current standards, but they are fairly amusing to me still, and were for the most part well received, so I've decided that rather than merely deleting them, I'd add them to a compilation fic. I may add more chapters to this fic in future, but I've yet to decide, and as I don't read many Naruto fics anymore, it seems unlikely that I'll have many ideas to add. The story content of each of these chapters has been left untouched from it's original form, but some of the authors notes have been either edited or removed, and even added to in some cases with my feelings about the specific chapter.

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><p>A slightly… Different, encounter at the valley of the end. I was actually going to put this in the story I was writing at the time, but then I noticed how crack-ish it was becoming. However, I didn't want to just delete it so here it is.<p>

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><p>"Sasuke what are you doing?!" Naruto shouted across the gorge. "Why are you leaving?!"<p>

"I couldn't take it anymore." Sasuke stated, his voice somehow still managing to reach Naruto. "The expectations, the people looking at me like some kind of god wherever I go, I had to get away!" Sasuke yelled desperately.

"And the fan girls." Naruto said.

"And the fan girls." Sasuke repeated.

"Its ok Sasuke we can put a restraining order on her." Naruto stated bluntly.

"I tried that already!" Sasuke replied, almost seeming like he was going to cry. "Its like they _want_ me to end up with her!"

"But why run to Orochimaru?" Naruto asked.

"Because I need power." Sasuke responded simply.

"What for?"

"To kill her!" Sasuke exclaimed. "It's the only way to be rid of her!"

"Okay…" Naruto responded, a bead of sweat running down his head. "But aren't you strong enough to beat her already?" He asked simply.

"Yes." Sasuke answered, looking at Naruto as if he had asked the stupidest question ever. "But do you really think I could handle the ANBU?"

"Ah, good point." Naruto said nodding sagely. "Well good luck then, see you around." Naruto said turning to head back to town.

"You're not even going to try and take me back?" Sasuke asked confused.

"Nope, honestly I think I'd be trying to escape too if I were you." Naruto stated before starting on his way again.

"We don't even get a big climatic battle?"

"Did you want one?" Naruto asked turning back towards Sasuke.

"Not really, but it feels like I'm getting away to easy." Sasuke stated taking a thinking pose.

"Yeah I suppose it would seem that way." Naruto nodded before mimicking his pose.

"Well, I guess I should get going now…" Sasuke said slowly.

"Yeah see yah around." Naruto replied.

"Yeah…"

"You know." Naruto said suddenly drawing Sasuke's attention. "If Sakura were to get in an accident…" He finished letting his sentence hang in the air.

"You might be on to something there." Sasuke responded.

Soon after, the two boys were on their way back to Konoha chatting together all the way.

"So Naruto, how are you with oil slicks?"

"Just point out the cliff."

End.


	2. Dear Sasuke

Dear Sasuke-kun,

I still remember the day you left, how you held me in your arms before you went out the gate.

I know you will return someday and we can pick up where we left off, but for now, I will just have to settle for writing you letters.

Naruto no baka just got out of the hospital yesterday, serves him right for attacking you, but then he had the nerve to tell the Hokage you tried to kill him! She went and made you an A class missing nin after that, I told her that was stupid and that whatever Naruto got he deserved for not being better to you, but then she just slapped me through the wall! I can't believe the nerve she had, Naruto should be one locked up, not you!

I got in a fight with Ino today, apparently she thinks you did something wrong when you left. I say that if Konoha is going to treat you like this for trying to achieve your goals then they didn't deserve you in the first place!

I heard something about the legendary Jiraiya coming to train Naruto for a while, that's just stupid, he was probably on his way to train you and Naruto just annoyed him into teaching him a few things he's probably going to leave soon to find you so he can train you I'm sure.

Your love,

Sakura

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><p>"How did she get my address?"<p>

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><p>Dear Sasuke<p>

I was somewhat surprised to find you had fled the village when I got back from my mission, I went after you to see if I could catch up but all I found was Naruto with hole in his chest, I'm really somewhat disappointed in you for that, not only did you ignore me and use it on your own teammate, but you forgot to check if he was still alive! You really need to work on that.

Anyways, I know I shouldn't do this but since I'm your sensei, I figured I would send you a jutsu as well; the instructions are attached to the letter.

Kakashi

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><p>"Well that one was interesting… but how do they know where I am?!"<p>

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><p>Dear brother,<p>

I heard you ran off with Orochimaru, I can't honestly say I agree with you on this, but I always did have suspicions you weren't straight. Something you need to watch out for if you plan on staying with him long, he is very aggressive, if you try to say no he will most likely put you to sleep while he has his fun.

But I digress, I'm assuming you went to him thinking he could give you the power to kill me, your wrong, I've had problems with him for years, in fact if you look in his room he has a souvenir of our last encounter, that hand in the bottle? Yeah, that's his, I did that. So even if you get strong enough to beat him in a fight it's not going to help you against me.

Always watching,

Itachi

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><p>"Okay this is starting to scare me…"<p>

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><p>Dear Sasuke,<p>

I am very sorry we had to leave on such short notice, we told Itachi to let you know that we were going on an extended trip and probably would not be able to contact you, but then we heard he had taken off to go somewhere himself! I heard recently that you had become a genin and I just had to write you a letter to congratulate you. It took awhile to find a mailbox to send it from though; I had to walk about a hundred miles!

Anyways, congratulations on becoming a genin, always remember we all love you.

Love,

Mom

Ps. we should be home in a few months; I know how much you must miss the clan by now! They're all looking forward to seeing you again, see you then!

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><p>"What the hell?!"<p>

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><p>End.<p>

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><p>I enjoyed reading another fic about Sasuke receiving mail, that I decided to write my own. It's not nearly up to my modern standards, but still amuses me. The fic that inspired this can be found in my Favorites. I also eventually wrote a sequelcontinuation of this, which can be found in the next chapter.


	3. Dear Sasuke: Homecoming

Sasuke paced back and forth in his room, casting the occasional glance at the letter on his desk. Could it actually be true? If the letter were to be believed, his parents, no, his entire clan, was still alive. But if that was the case, why had Itachi tricked him? And what kind of special meeting would remove an entire clan from the village?

Either way, Sasuke was one who had to know things for sure, he coulden't just make an assumption and go with it. Taking a quick look at the date on the letter, and a bit of math later, he realised that if it was all true, they would be getting home in the next few days. That decision made, he quickly packed his few belongings and slipped away, security was low where he was concerned, Orochimaru didn't expect him to even _want_ to leave.

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><p>And so it was that a few days later found Uchiha Sasuke skulking about the outer walls of Konoha, he had forgotten the only really useful info in Sakura's letter, he was a registered missing nin now, they woulden't just let him waltz back in the front gate. Several hours, three close calls, and one squirrel attack later, he had memorised the patrol routes, and slipped over the wall.<p>

Picking twigs out of his hair -The hiding spot wasn't exactly comfortable.- Sasuke snuck through back alleys till he had arrived at the Uchiha compound. Sure enough, there were lights on and he could hear voices floating in the air. Overcome by his surprise, he forgot himself and stepped out of the alley, accidently knocking over a garbage can. The voices inside instantly changed tone, and he could hear people running out of the house.

Quickly he jumped up onto the rooftops and laid low, hiding the best he could while still watching. "Must have been a cat." Someones voice floated up, seeming somehow familiar. "Indeed, there are a lot of strays around." Another responded, this one even more familiar, though he coulden't place it. The two men turned and headed back inside, but just before the second closed the door, he glanced straight at Sasuke, who's eyes widened in shock at the mans red eyes, then the porch light came on, and he recognized the man, just as the door shut.

_"Itachi!"_ Sasuke hissed. Sure enough, it had been his older brother, the uchiha murderer. But if he was here... Sasuke ran up to the windows, almost frantic now, and nearly fainted at what he saw.

It was them, his mother was there, smiling as she drank a cup of tea, and chatting with Itachi, his father sitting at the table rading something, he coulden't see what. And there were a few children running around as well, but he had never seen them before.

He began to relax at the familiar sights, and without realising it, began to lean on the window. Those inside however quickly noticed him, Itachi smiling slightly and gesturing towards to window, signalling his mother to look, she did, and gasped. "Sasuke! Come in! Let me look at you!" She called, in the end it was too much for the boy to handle, and he fainted, a smile on his face for the first time in years.

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><p>A few hours later he began to stir, a smile coming to his face once more as he remembered what had happened before he fainted. He quickly opened his eyes to look around, forcing them to stay open through the light. <em>'Must be morning.' <em>He thought absently. When the light didn't go away, he held one hand up in front of his face to block it out, only to find he coulden't move them. Blinking confusedly, he looked down at his wrists, and realised he was strapped to a chair.

A moment later he heard the sound of a door opening, a quiet conversation, and then it shut. Seconds after the light was sudenly cut off, and he could see that he was in a very small room, the light had come from a lamp set up on the table before him, this seemed to be an ANBU interrogation room. His suspicion was confirmed as he took in the appearance of the man who had just entered, he was a large man, very tall, and with a lot of scars, his clothes were perfectly in order and just screamed that he was important. All in all the man was just plain intimidating. It was Morinio Ibiki, the head of torture and interrogation.

"Now." Ibiki began. "I would like to know why you were found, unconcious and drooling on yourself in the middle of the uchiha compund." The man watched him, face set in stone as Sasuke's world seemed to shatter around him.

Outside the cell, and in the city proper, a young man stepped out of the house he had stayed for the night, waving to the couple who had put him up, he was was quickly on his way, down the road, to the gates, and out of Konoha. Only once he was a good ten miles out did he stop, and for an instant the air around him seemed to shift, his features changing like they had been a heat mirage. Seconds later where there had been an average young man, stood a fearsome figure, known in many places and feared in most, with the largest grin that had ever adorned his features. And he laughed. The great Uchiha Itachi laughed as he made his way down the road, away from the place his younger brother was quickly falling into despair.

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><p><p>

I have had the urge to make this second part since the day I wrote the first, and I must say, I like how how it came out. This will of course be the end of the story, as there isn't much more to do with it without making a full length plot driven thing, and I don't like Sasuke nearly enough to make him a whole story. Though that really should be obvious huh?


	4. A Bad Morning

Fear. It was all that he knew, the fear that he would be caught by those chasing him, all he had done was walk through the market, and now there was a group of people chasing him.

The day had started pretty simple, he had woken up, cleaned himself up a bit, ate, and went out for a walk, but now he had a mob after him. He ducked into an alley hoping to escape, only to hit a dead end. Within seconds there was the sound of feet behind him, so he ducked into a nearby box.

"Where is it?" Came a nearby voice. "The little monster ducked into this alley." The person spoke, footsteps bringing it closer to the box. "I swear, I'm going to kill that thing one of these days." and with that he gave the box a kick, scaring the small escapee out, bolting as fast as he could, he managed to get past everyone in the alley, and run for the edge of town, where he could escape pursuit.

A scant few minutes later, he was in the woods, but they were on him again, and this time, he was surrounded, he hid himself behind a bush, hoping they would pass by, but it was for naught as one of them dove to grab him. Unable to escape fast enough, he twisted around in the boys arms, and began to claw his eyes out.

"Argh!" Naruto cried out. "I hate this stupid cat! How many times have we had to chase it down already?!" Kakashi simply sighed, and pointed the way towards the mission center.

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><p>This was originally a scene in a story I wanted to write, but that was lost in the <em>series<em> of computer malfunctions and crashes I was going through. It was far longer and better in my original writing, but I didn't have a good enough memory to recall it, so this is what you get.

This idea was sort of a joke on the people who make a story, and it always starts with Naruto being chased by horrible evil murderous mobs of doom.


	5. It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's, Iruka?

"You fool!" An indiscernible voice echoed across a dark chamber. "Do you know what you've done? The dimensional barriers are collapsing, the universe collapsing in on itself, and reality twisting!" The voice was almost frantic, footsteps crossing the chamber quickly as the man grabbed the object of his irritation by the collar, lifting him from his chair. "This is _your_ fault." He growled out, but jerked back in shock as the other man suddenly grinned, bursting into insane laughter. What was going to happen now?

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><p>Elsewhere, in the forests outside of Konoha, a young blond cowered against a tree, shaking in fear as a figure approached through the trees. This man had tricked him, betrayed him, and now, he was going to kill him. Naruto had nowhere to run anymore. Iruka was nowhere to be found, and Mizuki had run him out of hiding places. Finally, the silver haired chuunin stepped forth from the brush, sneering as he approached with a kunai in hand. "I'm going to enjoy this." He hissed, walking towards Naruto. He was raising the kunai, getting ready for the first of many attacks to fall upon the boy, when it was suddenly not in his hand anymore, knocked to the side by a kunai shot from the side, as Iruka finally arrived, standing between Naruto and Mizuki. <strong>"Worry not Naruto, for it is I, <strong>_**Iruka!**_**"**The man spoke in a great booming voice. Mizuki staggered backwards in shock from the man's arrival, gasping for breath as he began to hyperventilate. "No!" He pleaded. **"Yes!"** Iruka returned, grabbing his chuunin vest by the front opening, and ripping it right off, revealing that he was really a ten foot tall muscled hunk of a man. Raising his right fist, Iruka blasted Mizuki with a mighty punch, sending the traitor smashing through several trees before he finally stopped, falling limply to the ground.

"**My work here is done." **Iruka said, and with a nod to Naruto, he jumped into the air, flying away into the distance, leaving more than a few questions for the ANBU who arrived moments later to find the trail of destruction between Naruto and Mizuki.

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><p>I don't really know where the idea for this came from. I was just sitting around, and it jumped into my head and refused to leave. I suppose you could call it a joke at the expense of the common idea of making Iruka secretly an S rank ninja who just never got promoted because he liked teaching, or whatever other excuses people use for it. As much fun as that idea is, I can't help but attach this image to it. Not anymore anyways.<p> 


End file.
